Kindness is a simple yet profound concept. It’s about being considerate, compassionate, and helpful to others. In theory, we all know that kindness is essential for harmonious living. However, many of us struggle with extending kindness towards others, while we often expect it from them in return. This creates an emotional paradox, a kind of double standard that can come from various sources like societal norms, personal experiences, and even psychological barriers. In this article, we'll explore why it's challenging to be kind and how this expectation can be deemed unfair.

 Understanding Kindness

Before we dive into the reasons behind the struggle to be kind, let's first understand what kindness means. Kindness is not just a single act of generosity; it encompasses a wide range of behaviors, such as empathy, patience, support, and compassion. It requires us to see beyond our own needs and to consider the feelings and perspectives of others.


An Example of Kindness

Imagine being in a crowded bus. A tired mother is struggling to hold her baby and balance her bag. The kindness we expect from our fellow passengers might involve someone offering her a seat or helping her with her bags. This simple act can immensely lighten her burden, but how often do we see this happening? 

The Challenge of Practicing Kindness

Despite the beauty of kindness, many people find it difficult to practice. Here are some reasons:

1. Personal Struggles

Kindness often requires emotional energy and resources that some people simply do not have. Individuals dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression may find it hard to be kind to others when they are struggling with their issues. Picture a student overwhelmed with assignments and exams; they might not have the emotional capacity to help a classmate in need.

2. Fear of Vulnerability

Being kind can sometimes make people feel vulnerable. They might worry that their kindness will not be reciprocated or that they may be taken advantage of. For instance, a manager might hesitate to show kindness to an underperforming employee, fearing that it could be perceived as a weakness. This hesitation can create a cycle where kindness is rarely offered.

3. Societal Norms and Expectations

Society often teaches us to prioritize our own needs and wants, making it hard to put kindness first. In a competitive world, the focus is often on individual success, which can overshadow the importance of helping others. Many people believe that showing kindness can put them at a disadvantage. For example, in a work environment, some employees may refrain from helping coworkers out of fear that it may hinder their promotions.

4. Implicit Bias

We all have subconscious biases that can affect our interactions with others. If we have had negative experiences with certain individuals or groups, it might cloud our ability to show kindness to them. For instance, if someone has been hurt by a person of a particular background, they might find it hard to extend kindness to others from that same background, despite knowing that not all individuals share the same traits or behaviors.

The Impact of Expecting Kindness from Others

While kindness is a two-way street, expecting it solely from others without reciprocating can lead to double standards in relationships and society. Here are some implications of this expectation:

1. Building Resentment

When people recognize that they are consistently giving kindness but not receiving it, they can build resentment. For example, consider a friend who always listens and offers support. If that same friend finds their calls ignored or their problems trivialized, they may feel taken for granted, leading to friction in the relationship.

2. Strain on Relationships

Double standards can strain relationships, both personal and professional. If one partner in a relationship expects emotional support but isn't ready to provide it, the other may feel undervalued and neglected. This imbalance can result in arguments, breakdowns in communication, or even the deterioration of the relationship itself.

3. Neglecting Self-Kindness

Sometimes, people are so focused on expecting kindness from others that they neglect their self-kindness. It’s essential to nurture oneself first before extending kindness to others. When someone feels burnout, self-doubt, or even anger, they cannot give their best selves to others. This neglect can make it harder to fulfill the expectations they have for others.

Strategies to Foster Kindness

While understanding the struggles and double standards surrounding kindness is essential, we also need practical strategies to promote a more balanced approach. Here are some steps each of us can take:

1. Practice Self-Compassion

Before extending kindness to others, it’s vital to practice self-compassion. This involves being kind to yourself during difficult times. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend, and acknowledge your struggles. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a step back before helping someone else.

2. Start Small

Kindness doesn’t always have to be grand gestures. Small acts can create significant waves of change. This might include offering a smile to a stranger, holding the door open for someone, or sending a short text to check on a friend. Over time, these little acts can help foster an environment of kindness.

3. Build a Culture of Kindness

Within your community or workplace, actively work toward building a culture of kindness. Lead by example. If you're in a position of authority, show kindness to your team members. Acknowledge their efforts and create an atmosphere where everyone feels safe to express themselves without judgment.

4. Reflect on Your Expectations

Take a moment to reflect on the kindness you expect from others. Consider if you are willing to offer the same in return. Having an open dialogue about kindness can help clear up misunderstandings and promote a more balanced exchange.

5. Challenge Implicit Bias

Be aware of implicit biases that might affect your ability to show kindness. Make it a conscious effort to engage with diverse groups, listen to different perspectives, and practice empathy.


Conclusion

Understanding the reasons behind the difficulty of being kind, as well as the double standards that come into play, can help us foster a more compassionate and kind world. By recognizing our biases, actively promoting self-kindness, and taking small steps toward kindness, we can create a balanced approach to interaction. 

In the end, kindness is a choice we all can make, and while it can sometimes feel burdensome, the rewards vastly outweigh the challenges. By working toward a culture where kindness flows freely and is met with kindness in return, we can help break down the double standards that hinder genuine human connection.